


The Weight of a Single Shot

by Aki (Akiko_Natsuko)



Series: 365 Days of Fandom [9]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Gen, Team as Family, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 18:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17371256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Aki
Summary: For everyone, there was a moment, a pause, as though all the air had been sucked out of the world at the noise that spoke of failure…of loss.A look at the moments that followed the gunshot during 'Derailed'.





	The Weight of a Single Shot

_CRACK!_

   The sharp retort of a gun being fired echoed across the area surrounding the train, sending tendrils of dread through everyone, both those on board the train and those outside trying desperately to diffuse the situation. For everyone, there was a moment, a pause, as though all the air had been sucked out of the world at the noise that spoke of failure…of loss. Then there was an eruption of voices, orders and warnings being shouted, as frantic eyes darted to the screens and fingers tightened on radios, waiting to hear what had happened. To hear the words that all rescue personnel dreaded to hear, especially when some of their own were in the line of fire. However, amongst the crowd, were others who had a more specific fear, a dread that had settled like lead in the pit of their stomachs

    Gideon who had already been moving stumbled back several steps at the sound, almost as though the bullet had struck him, and for a second his mind went black. Then he was blinking, a terrible fear rising in his chest and stealing his breath, the image of Reid standing so close to Dr Bryar only seconds before flashing through his mind as though to taunt him with the probability of what had happened. The possibility of failure. Nausea chased the image, the feeling of numb helplessness that had slowly been fading since his return to work surging to the forefront and for a moment he wavered. A second later he was bolting towards the train, dreading what he might find in that carriage, terrified of what he might have allowed to happen, and yet desperate for answers.

     The carriage was close, no one moving to stop his approach although he heard and ignored several warnings, gaze locked on the train. Wondering whether in his role as the ‘higher authority’ he had gone too far if he had gambled to recklessly…whether he had made another choice that resulted in the loss of his agents. _Did I sentence him to death?_ He knew deep down that this was different, that if he had failed this time that there would be no coming back from this because this was Reid. He wanted to slow down, to delay the inevitable, the younger man’s request for at least one of them to look as though he was going to come back seeming to mock him with each step, and there was a lead weight in his stomach as he practically leapt up the steps to the carriage.

_Please, let me have made the right choice this time._

**

    Hotch flinched at the sound of the gunshot, watching numbly as Gideon stumbled before bolting forward even as his mind tried to grasp the enormity of what that single sound could have meant. _Reid._  He was profoundly aware that the atmosphere in the carriage had been at breaking point, their risky gamble tilting the balance in the wrong direction, and Reid had been in the middle of it. They all been aware of it, feeling as though time was trickling through their fingers as they watched the screens, and made anxious preparations to move in if…when necessary, the hushed orders for the SWAT teams having allowed him to hope for a moment at least that everything was going to be okay. That Reid who had been central to the growing tension, too central was going to be safe.

_"See you when you get back"._

   His reluctant words from earlier returned in the wake of the gunshot, mocking him as he slowly followed Gideon’s path with his eyes. They had been such empty words he realised now, said only because Reid had asked for them, had needed them to ease the spark of fear in his eyes that he had tried to hide from them. Looking back, and with dread slowly seeping through the numbness, he realised that he hadn’t believed the words even as he’d said them. That he had recognised on some fundamental level that there was a significant possibility that Reid wouldn’t be coming back from this one. That this dangerous idea to appease the unsub and buy them the time they needed would be a risk too far, and yet he had done it. He had played the role of a ‘higher authority’, weighing the options and possible outcomes, risking one life in the hopes of saving more. Knowing that it could fail, and realising that it would once it had become clear that the unsub had already decided on a final game-plan.

     Now all he had was a sinking feeling in his chest, a profound, aching realisation that he had gambled and lost, as that single gunshot echoed liked the sound of failure in his mind.

_Reid, I’m sorry._

**

     Morgan went utterly still at the sound of the gunshot, the tension that had been rising with each second that trickled by with Reid inside that carriage, leaving him locked in place as he traced the sound back to its source. Back to the carriage that Reid had willingly walked into like a sacrificial lamb not long ago, becoming entrapped with the newest in a long line of individuals who seemed instinctively drawn to the young genius, almost as though Reid had a huge bullseye painted on his back. _Damn it, kid,_ he wanted to shout and scream and curse, but he couldn’t frozen in place as he stared blankly at the bank of screens in front of him, not daring to look properly. Not wanting to see the truth he feared would be shown there, for once unable to be the one to charge in, to face the darkness first, because damn it all this was his best friend.

This was Reid.

   _No, this is Reid._ He couldn’t, wouldn’t accept anything else until he saw for himself, and finally, he managed to move, taking a shaky breath before he blinked and forced himself to look properly at the screens. _Please._ For a few seconds, he found himself watching a frozen scene, unchanged from when he had heard the gunshot with Reid standing over Bryar, and he waited, barely breathing, expecting Reid to be the one to fall. To be the one who would crumble in front of his eyes, and shatter the hope that he was desperately clinging to. Instead, Reid slowly straightened before turning to look at one of the other passengers, and daring to take his gaze of the Genius for a moment, Morgan jolted as he realised that the other man was also holding a gun. _Please._ Glancing back, he realised that Bryar had slumped, blood blossoming across his shirt and suddenly it felt like he could breathe again.

    However, it wasn’t enough to entirely silence the fear, or ease the leaden weight of dread. But it was enough to get him moving as he shot out of the trailer, cursing himself for not moving sooner as he bolted towards the carriage. He needed to see for himself, and not just through a black and white picture.

**

    JJ was still locked in place, unable to do anything but blink as Morgan rushed out of the trailer, leaving her alone with the screens that she had honestly thought were about to show her Reid dead or dying. The stinging sensation in her eyes that had appeared seconds after the sound of the gunshot was still there, refusing to vanish just yet, even as she turned back to the screen and watched as Gideon came into view and Reid moved, stepping away from the fallen unsub. She drank in the sight of them, and of Elle moving in the background. Although in truth her gaze was mainly for Reid. Reid who was wonderfully mobile on the screen, alive and well, although she knew that she wouldn’t fully believe it until he had been checked out and she had seen for herself. But for now it was enough, a noise that was halfway to a sob slipping out, because like Morgan she had believed that Reid was the target of that shot, that they had gambled away his life.

    It was a fear that had taken hold the moment they’d watch Elle slam into Bryar and Reid’s desperate attempts to wrestle the weapon away from him. The already tense situation deteriorating in front of their eyes, with nothing that they could do, and she knew that it was a fear that would linger for a while.

    Sniffling, she scrubbed at her eyes, trying and failing to ignore how her hands shook. _It was too close_. Climbing to her feet, she forced herself to take a deep breath and then another and another, slowly composing herself once more, as she knew that as soon as everything was secured it would be her turn to take centre stage. To stand in front of the cameras and smile, to tell the public that the situation had been resolved and that this little part of the world was safe once more. They would never get to see or know what had happened behind the scenes, the danger that those working to achieve that safety had faced, the risks that had been taken, or the anguish that had followed. They wouldn’t know how close their protectors had come to failing, to losing one of their own, and that was okay.

Because that was private, reserved for those who had been involved.

**

    Garcia had slammed her eyes shut the second she had heard the gun going off, unable to bring herself to look at the video feed dominating her screens for fear of what she’d see, her hands trembling violently as she twisted them together in her lap. _No. Please, no…_ Her eyes were stinging, lips quivering as she fought to hold back her tears, the image of her junior G-man fighting for control of the gun flashed through her mind, and she bit her lip to hold back a sob. She had seen a lot of horror on her screens, more than she’d ever wished to see, but she didn’t know whether she could find the courage to look this time. To open her eyes and see Reid dead, reduced to a husk of the of the incredible, unique young man who both drove her up the wall, and made her laugh and smile.

To face losing a member of her family.

    However, she couldn’t remain like that indefinitely, and after a minute she shifted in her seat, knowing that she needed to look. That she had to know. Realising with a shaky breath, that to not look would be an insult to Reid. If he’d dared to walk onto that train despite the risks, and with their less than stellar reassurances that the would come back ringing in his eyes. If he’d had the courage to wrestle for the weapon when the chance had come, despite knowing that he could easily end up on the wrong end, then she had to find the courage to open her eyes.

    It still took her a few more seconds to coax them open, her vision already blurred with tears, but they transformed into tears of relief as she finally registered what was happening. What she was seeing. Sniffling as she watched Reid talking to Gideon, alive and animated, even as he worked on Bryar who had apparently been the one on the end of the shot that had been fired. _He’s okay._ There were tears on her cheeks, but she made no effort to remove them, drinking in the sight of Reid and knowing that this could have ended very differently, and when she finally let herself sink back in her chair, she took a deep, steadying breath before eyes narrowed. She would be having strong words with their resident Genius when he got home because he had to know that he couldn’t scare her like that.

_He’s okay._

_He’s alive._

**

   Elle couldn’t breathe. The situation had been spiralling out of control, slipping closer and closer to the breaking point, and she’d reacted, taking a chance before it was too late. _I made a judgement call. I made the wrong call…_ The doubts that she had ignored before rushed in, the gunshot echoing in her mind, and there was a tightness in her chest, panic clouding her thoughts and making it hard to focus.

_I made the wrong call._

    Her entire world had narrowed down to the struggle between Bryar and Reid, both fighting for mastery of the gun, and it took her longer than it should to realise that they were no longer moving. She blinked, numbness slowing her reactions as her eyes sought out Reid, searching for some sign of injury, waiting to catch a glimpse of crimson. _I made the wrong call._ He had been too close, he couldn’t have dodged, and she blinked heavy and slow as she sought out the gun, her heart beginning to race with dread as she glimpsed the weapon in Bryar’s hand.

In Bryar’s limp hand…

 _He…he’s not moving. Bryar’s not moving._ That realisation broke through the haze, bringing the rest of the world back into focus and she blinked, watching as Reid slowly straightened, and following his gaze as he turned to look behind him. Following his gaze, she found herself staring at the passenger she had warned not to act earlier, who was now standing there silent and wide-eyed, clutching the smoking gun in his hands and staring at Bryar in horror. And in that instance, all that she could think was that she was glad that he hadn’t listened to her, that he had done what she’d told him not to.

**

   Reid went utterly still as a gun went off, well aware that the weapon had been aimed at him, and waiting for pain to blossom somewhere on his body. When none came, his mind sprang back into action, mind working a mile a minute and his heart hammering his chest as he realised that Bryar had gone limp beneath him, blood soaking through his shirt. Shaking he slowly reached down and removed the gun from Bryar’s hand, lowering his arm, feeling strangely adrift as though he was waiting for reality to catch up with him. He was just taking a step back, and drawing in another shaky breath when there was movement in the doorway, and he looked up just as Gideon appeared in the doorway. He blinked, still feeling oddly blank as he gazed at the senior profiler for a moment, before turning to look at the man who had fired the shot, and then back down at Bryar.

"We need an ambulance," he managed to say, astounded at how calm he managed to sound as he turned back to look at Gideon who had closed the distance between them, eyes dark and haunted as he checked him over.

****

     On the jet back to Quantico that evening, the atmosphere was more sombre than usual, everyone but Reid still awake even though it had been a long day. And although they were all going about their individual activities: Gideon with his nose in a book as he sat in the row closest to Reid, brow furrowed in apparent concentration, and studiously ignoring the noise from the next seats where Morgan and Elle were engaged in a friendly poker game. Behind them, sharing a table, JJ was engrossed in case files for potential new cases as she sipped her coffee, while Hotch was busy working on his case notes, fingers tapping against the table top as his gaze darted across to the sleeping Genius with a frown.

    They had all been doing that since take off, unable to resist periodically glancing at their youngest team-member who was stretched out across two seats, sleeping peacefully with a book of some sort abandoned against his stomach, oblivious to their attention. He didn’t look like someone who had narrowly avoided death that day, for which they were all grateful, although it didn’t stop them from checking on him, watching the rise and fall of his chest with almost obsessive need.

    Morgan had already soundly berated the younger man as soon as he had made sure he was alive and in one piece, and everyone had been taken off the train. He had been harsher than the others had ever heard him be with the Genius, especially when he had been reaming him out over removing his vest after he’d been told expressly to keep it on. Reid had just waited him out, not flinching under the onslaught, and then pointing out in a calm voice that he’d had to remove it to protect the hostages, before apologising for worrying him. Although the apology had clearly been for all of them, as he had glanced in their direction as he spoke. Morgan hadn’t been able to argue much to his irritation, knowing that they would have all done the same if they’d been in the situation, and unable to really explain why it felt so wrong for it have been Reid who’d been in that position and taking those risks.

    The others hadn’t berated Reid, although more than one of them had wanted to, especially Gideon. However, their relief that everything had worked out okay, and the fact that Reid had managed to reach out to the Unsub who everyone else had failed to fully understand and communicate with, even if it had ended badly, was enough to make them hold their tongues for the time being. Maybe, after they’d slept and got home, leaving the nightmare behind them, they might have more to say. For now, it was enough to bask in the relief that their team – their family was still in one piece, attested to by the light snores of their Genius.

 


End file.
